Imperfect
by VirginSerpent
Summary: Draco has to live up to his father expectations. How long will it be before he breaks? Contains anorexia, depression, maybe cutting and slash later on..depents on what you guys think!
1. Summer

**Here's a little something I just started writing....I've written chapters for the other stories as well. I'll type them and upload ASAP! R/R -Enjoy.**

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**Indefinable mass**

It was hot outside, the leaves were moving lazily in the warm breeze and people around most of the area were happy.

Except Draco Malfoy. Yes. From _that_ Malfoy family. Son of a now known Death Eater and Slytherin Prince of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

A knock was heard on Draco's bedroom door.

"Yes?" he answered.

The door opened and his father, Lucius Malfoy, entered. He arched an elegant eyebrow, as to express the displeasure of seeing his only son.

"Hello, Draco. I hope you have been studying today. Those _pitiful_ OWL-results are simply unacceptable. I will not tolerate you putting the family name to shame like that. You are a _pureblood_, Draco. And a Malfoy at that", his father raised his head a bit to honour the Malfoy-name, "You are therefore proud, and only wish to serve your family and our Lord to your utmost _**perfection**._ I do not find anything beneath perfect tolerable, no matter your ridicules excuses!"

Draco hung his head. There was no point in telling his father that he had done all he could and that he didn't think receiving "Outstanding" on all his OWL's except "Exceeds Expectations" in DADA was so horrible. Even if it _had_ been perfect, his father would have just found something else to criticise.

"Yes father", he replied carefully.

"Those little foul creatures said they had dinner ready, so you'd better be downstairs in 2 minutes.", Lucius said, leaving the room.

Draco sighed, feeling very down.

Nothing was ever good enough. After his father had gotten out of Azkaban, he'd been even more horrible than usual, and he had also been pestering Draco about getting the Dark Mark. Draco's mother, Narcissa, had so far told Lucius that she didn't think Draco was old enough yet, and had persuaded him to leave it be for now.

Draco didn't want the Dark Mark. Not anymore. He'd realised what really went on at the meetings and found that he felt deeply disgusted by it. He could still see the haunted look in the eyes of a young muggleborn woman Nott had brutally raped and murdered last weekend. He'd made Draco watch, figuring Draco would find it highly amusing.

He shut his eyes tight as he remembered her terrible screams.

Sighing, he got up and left his huge bedroom. He walked down the gigantic marble staircase. A big, dark oak door with a silver handle shaped as a serpent led into the dining room.

Narcissa was sitting at the end of a long antique table; his father occupied the other end.

Draco sat down by the middle of one side.

"Hello Mother, hello Father", he greeted.

His mother nodded briefly, and his father glared at him.

The house elves served dinner. It smelled delicious and consisted of lamb and potatoes with a large variety of vegetables.

Draco had missed lunch that day, and was now suddenly aware how hungry he really felt. He put food on his plate, carefully cut it out and began eating. When his parents were done eating his reached for another piece of lamb.

"You are eating an awful lot, Draco. I see you have put on some weight lately. I advice you to stop that. Malfoy's don't get **_fat,_**" his father said in a dangerous tone.

Draco suddenly lost his appetite.

"Yes father" he answered sadly. He got up and left.

In his room he stood in front of his full length mirror watching his body.

There was fat on his stomach – about half and inch if he pressed it together between his thumb and index finger. His thighs seemed rather large this night as well, and the fat stuck to his ribs in a very un-charming manner. Draco thought he looked downright grotesque! He wrinkled his nose in disgust. Why on Earth did people tell him he was pretty?? He looked horrendous – he was _fat_!

His father was right; he had turned into a blubbering travesty of a whale. Draco felt tears stinging in the corners of his eyes. A tiny crystal-clear droplet of salty water left his eye and made its way down his cheek, leaving a moist trail in its wake.

Draco swore to him self that he would eat as little as possible until his _disgusting_ fat has gotten off.

How he hated looking into that mirror.


	2. It Only Gets Worse

_Here a little chappie for ya all...._

The next day Draco skipped breakfast, saying he needed to study instead.

At 5 p.m. he still hadn't had a single bite to eat, and he was feeling rather light headed. His legs were shaking when he walked, he noticed.

He was sitting by the lake in the garden, throwing stones into the water. All he could think about was fat. He hadn't thought of anything else since his father mentioned it. Draco closed his eyes in shame.

Malfoy's were supposed to have self-control. They simply did not eat like that. Food was not pleasure. Perhaps he'd allowed it to be just that. Food was meant for survival, just like everything else he'd ever been taught.

He couldn't help but constantly be envisioning the deform blonde monster he'd become, walking around Hogwarts, listening to Gryffindors whispering behind his back. _"Look, it's Draco Whalefoy! Do you think he'll be able to walk through that door without getting stuck?"_

"_What do you think the fat bastard looks like when he has been climbing the stairs? Probably all sweaty, and I'll bet he smells too! Ha! Ha!"._

Draco shuddered at the thought. He rushed inside. On the way he ran into his father. Lucius sneered and opened his mouth, unquestionable to insult his son, but stopped when he looked into Draco's eyes. He felt momentarily dizzy from seeing the sadness and the lifelessness in the grey eyes of his son.

"I'm sorry, Sir" Draco whispered and walked away. His shoulders hung as if he was trying to seem as small as possible.

Lucius mentally shook himself to be rid of the unwanted feeling of – concern perhaps? He shuddered inwardly in disgust and hurried outside.

Draco went into his room, feeling so miserable that he nearly began crying. But Malfoy don't cry, he thought sternly to himself.

His body felt so heavy, and Draco felt certain that this was due to that he was indeed fat, and therefore heavy.

He forced himself across the room and collapsed on the bed.

A couple of hours later his mother entered the room.

"Draco? Baby? Dinner's ready".

Draco could hear his mothers soft voice close to his ear. His eyes fluttered open and he stared into his mothers beautiful smiling and pale face.

She stroked his cheek, and placed her hand on his chest. Draco immediately felt panicky. She couldn't place her hand on him! She would feel how fat he was, and perhaps she wouldn't even want to admit to being his mother anymore, did she discover something as embarrassing and dishonouring as his fat.

He quickly rolled over and got off the bed.

In the dining room Lucius was already waiting. He smiled at his wife and sent Draco a displeased glare that he noticed, did not provoke any reaction from the boy. No fear, no shame. No anger either, of course. Draco had never dared defy his father.

But none the less did Lucius find himself secretly wishing that he would at least show anger – or anything at all. Anything but turn that empty stare at him. It made Lucius feel uncomfortable.

Draco sat down and started chewing absentmindedly on an asparagus. The taste of food made him want to hurl.

His parents began eating. The communication during dinner was very limited. His father made a few of his usual comments about the importance of pure wizard blood. Draco was still chewing on the same asparagus by the time dinner was over.

His parents didn't notice.

It went on like this for three whole weeks until his parents decided they could no longer ignore it.

One night they were having soup and Draco had, as usual, not even touched his food.

He kept stirring it with his spoon, only waiting to be excused from the dinner table, so he could get away from all of that disgusting sickening food.

"Draco! Quit playing with your food and eat it!" his father suddenly ordered, not even looking up from his own bowl of soup.

Draco tried to swallow a single spoonful but nearly spat it out again. He felt as if he was pouring liquid fat down his throat. He'd already had an apple that day.

He put the spoon down.

His father looked up, fixing his icy glare on Draco.

"I told you to EAT, boy. You sit here every night, pushing your food around on your plate, I've noticed. I don't know what is wrong with you. Now, _eat_." Lucius spat, inwardly trying to come up with a reason why Draco wasn't eating anymore.

After that night, Draco started chewing the food, then spitting it out in his napkin afterwards.

At breakfast one Monday morning Draco was again thinking lie crazy, trying to figure out how to get rid of his food. He pulled out his wand as his parents were attempting to small-talk.

"Evanesco!" he whispered and pointed his wand at a disgusting slice of toast his mother had forced on him.

The food disappeared instantly.

His mother looked at him.

"Are you eating anything, dear?" she asked him calmly, with a slightly hysterical undertone.

He forced a smile, and gestured to his now half-empty plate.

As soon as she looked away though, his smile fell dramatically. He was yet again wearing his inexpressive mask.

"Draco, you are looking dreadfully thin. It wouldn't do for people to think that the Malfoy's are starving their son. It is not as if we are simple muggles with no money. I don't want people asking question when you go back to school, do you understand me? One word from school of you being a drama queen and you will not like to face the consequences. Is that clear? Now, eat Draco!" his father demanded.

A couple of weeks passed. Draco ate sometimes when his parents watched him, but he now made himself sick in the bathroom afterwards.

By the time the summer holidays were over, Draco went back to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

_Next we will hear how Draco does in school. Severus will notice something is wrong._

_Should I have Lucius turn out as a reformed father?? Will he worry that much over Draco?_


	3. Back at Hogwarts

**Back at Hogwarts**

Sitting in the Great Hall, all Draco could think about was the disgustingly huge amounts of food all around him. He felt as though he might start to cry...it was all so much more overwhelming than he remembered it to be.

'But Malfoy's NEVER cry', he reminded himself.

It was hopeless. How was he supposed to endure looking at all that food everyday. It was sickening him.

"Drakie, honey. Would you care for a piece of lamb. You must be starving. You didn't have anything on the train. It's quite delicious too", that pug-like excuse for a girl, Pansy Parkinson said, her voice laced with fake concern, as she batted her hairy eyelashes at him. No doubt the were just as fake and ugly as the rest of her.

Draco stared at her, and rejected the food, somewhat politely.

He grabbed a small carrot instead and placed it between his teeth. Just thinking about actually eating it made him feel nauseous. He took one bite and hoped no one noticed that was all he had for dinner.

But someone _did_ notice. The beetle black eyes of Severus Snape were narrowed in thought. Draco looked most unhealthy. Snape wondered if perhaps Lucius had been teaching him dark magic again – this time by subjecting Draco to the curses. But Draco seemed different somehow. He wasn't indulged in conversation as he usually was at any meal.

He looked a little sad. Snape decided to keep a closer eye on him from now on.

The next day Severus watched Draco chop up roots for a potion in class. He looked like he wasn't concentrating at all, which was something very unusual for Draco Malfoy to be doing in the middle of a potions class.

Snape raised an eyebrow and made his way to Draco's cauldron.

"Are you alright?" he whispered to Draco. The boy fixed his lifeless, stelly glance on Snape, making the latter shiver.

"Yes, professor, sir. I won't fail".

"There's nothing wrong with failing sometimes."

"Yes there is. I can't fail. Malf-"

"Even Malfoy's fail sometimes. Especially if they see, distracted and depressed in class. And it's ok".

Draco looked as though he was going to cry. He lightly shook his head and kept mumbling. "No, no, no, please, can't lose control, no, can't..."

"CLASS DISMISSED!" Snape thundered. The students looked absolutely petrified. Some of them starting putting out the fires under their cauldrons. Harry Potter threw his things into his bag, Hermione Granger looked disappointed – of course – and Ron Weasley made a perfect impression of a highly unintelligent fish out of water.

"GET OUT! FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR LOOKING INCREDIBLY AND INEXCUSABLY STUPID, MR. WEASLEY!" Snape bellowed.

"Draco, stay behind", he ordered under his breath.

When Draco and Snape were alone in the class room, Snape tried to establish eye-contact with Draco, but failed.

"Draco, look at me".

Draco obliged unwillingly.

"What is wrong with you? You seem completely out of it. You haven't been eating – yes, I've noticed; I'm not blind – you've lost an awful lot of weight during the summer, you seem depressed and you aren't concentrated."

Tears welled up in the young Malfoy's eyes.

"Nothing. It's just...nothing", Draco sighed.

"Try again", Snape said. "Come on, you can tell me, Draco. It is pretty obvious that it isn't just 'nothing'. 'Nothing' would not make you feel this way" Snape urged him on.

"I just...I just don't know anymore...Sev, I'm...I... can't...I hate...myself. And everything else. I have so much hate and anger inside me, I feel like I'll explode; I just don't know anymore. Nothing is ever good enough! And I hate it. Why am I so ugly, Professor? Why do **I** have to be fat?" Draco ranted, tear now leaving his eyes uncontrollably.

Snape looked a little shocked.

"What do you mean that you're fat?! That is probably the most ridicules nonsense you've ever said. All the girls love you, I'm sure, you're a beautiful young m- Is _that_ why you never eat?" Snape suddenly realised.

"You want to lose weight...I..." Severus was at a loss for words. If Draco's silence was really a 'yes', then this boys' problems might be a lot worse than he'd thought.

_Next Draco will have to talk more to Severus. Sev wants Draco to talk to Pomfrey, but Draco refuses to talk to anybody at all – including Severus. _


	4. Transfigurations and the hospital wing

_Here's another chapter! Thanks to my wonderful reviewers!_

It was lunch time, and Draco was walking alone to the Great Hall. He sat down at the only unoccupied end of the table, trying to seem as insignificant as possible. He could feel a pair of dark eyes on him, and felt his insides burn with anger – how dare he interfere with what Draco chose to do with his life. This was the only way; Severus was just too blind to see it.

He picked up a small piece of meat and started chewing half-heartedly on it, as he usually did. Feeling sickened with himself, he got up and ran out of the Great Hall.

In the bathroom he emptied the contents on his stomach, which mainly turned out to be water. His face was wet with tears, and his throat was burning. He sunk to the floor, sobbing into the sleeve of his robe. He didn't know how much longer he could take this. He felt as though every time he opened his eyes, all he could see was the dark. He wondered if it was all worth it – his life was miserable, his future hopeless. Perhaps he ought to just end it all...

He looked up at the ceiling trying to will away this unbearable feeling of despair. His body felt heavy, and he couldn't bring himself to move a single muscle.

He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, before realising that he had to be in Transfigurations Class. He mustered power, he didn't have and rose from the floor. His head felt heavy, and his throat felt tight as he walked down the hallways. He felt a tad dizzy, too. He uttered a little spell that washed away the tear-stains on his cheeks. Outside the door of the classroom, he paused. Taking a deep breath, he fought to put on an inexpressive, unconcerned mask. He failed the first time, but took another shuddering breath and managed at last.

He raised his fist and knocked on the door.

"Yes?" he heard McGonagall's voice say.

He opened the door and walked inside.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, offering no explanation.

The professor surveyed him though rectangular spectacles.

"5 points from Slytherin for your tardiness. You may take you seat, Mr. Malfoy."

A few of the Gryffindors snickered. Draco really wished he didn't have to take this class with the Gryffindors too. Having to endure them in Potions Class was bad enough.

A few minutes later he was attempting to transfigure a pocket-watch into an ferret. He found that he couldn't concentrate at all.

Uttering the spell, he pointed his wand at the watch. The watch grew a long snout and a tail, but it still insisted on showing the time.

He was watching the pocket-watch, which seemed to be running faster and faster. Suddenly the entire room started spinning too and he stumbled away from his desk.

"Professor, I..." he said and everything turned black.

"Professor, Malfoy has fainted!" Neville Longbottom shouted.

McGonagall hurried to the fallen teenager and checked his pulse quickly.

She then levitated him out of the door.

"I'm taking Mr. Malfoy to the hospital wing. Class is dismissed!" she yelled over her shoulder.

All the Slytherins stared and the Gryffindors mostly looked overjoyed. Except for Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.

"So the ferret fainted, let's celebrate it!" Ronald Weasley suggested. That earned him multiple glares from the Slytherins and a few murmurs of agreement from the Gryffindors.

"Shut up, Weasel!" Parkinson sneered.

"Ron, that's not funny. What do you think is wrong with him?" Harry asked concerned.

"Who cares?" Ron said, frowning.

"Ronald, shut your big, fat mouth before I spell it away from your freckled face", Hermione snapped.

In the hallway McGonagall met Snape.

"What has happened to him?!" he barked straight away, immediately suspecting that some snotty Gryffindor had attempted to kill his favourite student.

"He just fainted in class", McGonagall said, furrowing her brow.

"He was late, and he wasn't paying much attention to his work today at all. It is a very unusual behaviour for him."

"I agree. But Mr. Malfoy has not been feeling too well these past days. Now, if you'll take that spell off him, I'll carry him", Snape said with a pointed glare at McGonagall.

Snape noted silently that Draco was way too light for a sixteen year old boy.

As they reached the hospital wing, Minerva called out to Madame Pomfrey.

"Poppy! Would you come out here!"

The energetic medi-witch hurried towards them.

"What has happened?" she demanded.

Minerva updated her quickly and Severus hesitated a bit before adding what he knew as well.

"Draco hasn't been eating regular meals since the beginning of term. I suspect he hasn't either during his time at home. I confronted him a while ago and he told me he needed to lose weight because he was fat. I don't quite understand that. I mean – he is rather skinny. Do you think he has been cursed?" Severus suggested.

The nurse looked at the frail boy, a grave expression in her old eyes.

"I am afraid this has nothing to do with any kind of curse. I have heard of this before, but I've never treated a patient with it. I believe he has what the muggles call Anorexia Nervosa. It is a condition that causes a person to handle their problems by stopping to eat, I think. But there can be many causes. The patient starts feeling unrealistically fat, and they are under the impression that they need to lose weight. With a father like Lucius I can understand why the boy is reacting. A common cause is too high expectations from other people – especially if that person is the father of the patient."

While Pomfrey explained they put Draco in a hospital bed, nestled in fluffy pillows and blankets.

Severus' face bore a mask of worry that had never been there before. His heart ached terribly for the helpless child on the hospital bed.

_Next Lucius comes into the picture... _


End file.
